Generally, behind every addict there is always a codependent. Codependency can be defined as a disease, whose main characteristic is the lack of an identity of its own.
The codependent is a person who depends emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, physically or financially on another person who is obviously ill, disabled, needy or addicted. It is characterized by an extreme, obsessive, sickly concern for another person or circumstance. It is the addiction to a sick relationship. Its primary purpose is to control or change the behavior of that other, not being able to see other alternatives to live better. Her favorite phrase is: “If he (she) changed I could be happy”.
The dysfunctional family in which things are not clear, feelings are repressed, you do not know what to expect or what to expect, where there is clear and dominant manipulation and blackmailer. The school gives exaggerated importance to the study, to the reasoning, to memorize but little or no importance to the feelings, to the development of our intuitive part. Competition is encouraged in excess, causing feelings of disability in which they do not manage to be the best.
Codependency commonly referred to the wife, father, relative or friend of a person affected by an addiction to alcohol or drugs. Originally the term codependent was used exclusively in people, couples or spouses who were in a relationship with an alcoholic or addicted person. However, nowadays the term has been expanded and used in any codependent person within a dysfunctional family.
Co-dependent people generally have very low self-esteem, procure others over their personal well-being in order to feel better. It is difficult for them to behave as they really are, due to the constant effort of procuring others over themselves.
Basically the codependent has good intentions in trying to care for who is going through some difficulty in life, however, overprotection towards this type of people becomes compulsive and exhausting for the codependent.
The codependent has an obsession to rescue, to care for others, to take responsibility for their own life to the other, to avoid making decisions, grow, mature.
The codependent person does not know how to respond, just react. Reacts to feelings, thoughts and what others say or do. Reacts also to their own thoughts, feelings or behaviors, that is, exaggerates, acts.
It is being bound (bound) by bonds of slavery to another person. It is not letting someone be free to live their own life. It is not being free to make decisions or be yourself. The life of one person seems to depend on the other.
This means not being oneself, not having options, attitudes or free behaviors. It is emotional, intellectual, physical or financial dependence on another person. The happiness of others is more important than ours and that is why we allow them to make decisions about our life that correspond only to us.
It is making others do what you want. It is spending energy seeking a position of supremacy. It is not respecting the freedom of the other.